After long and heated discussion Achilles finally gave Patroclus his blessing to join the fight on one condition: Patroclus wear me and strike fear into the Trojan army's hearts! As Patroclus cinched me tight to his body I beamed with pride. I had never protected anyone else during battle other than Achilles and in normal circumstances would have been disappointed to learn I would be worn by another. On this day, however, I was proud to be worn by Patroclus. He showed mighty courage by resisting the temptation to stand by his stubborn friend and instead chose to do what was right. We jumped aboard Patroclus' chariot and raced towards the tall flames emitting from the Greek ships.
When we reached the raging battle many Trojan men fled the battle at the sight of Patroclus wearing the most mighty armour in the land. Patroclus and I drove the Trojans back from the fleet of ships in a matter of minutes. Although most Trojans fled the battle field there were but a few that stayed behind to continue the fight. One of these men was the great Sarpedon. He was but a mere child against the combination of Patroclus and I. I deflected Sarpedon's sharp spear with my shield while Patroclus' aim was true with his. Struck directly in his heart, Sarpedon died a swift death.
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| Partoclus' spear embedded in Sarpedon as he lay dead (Wikipedia). |
At this time we thought our fight to be over. This was not to be as Hector decided to stop his fleeing and charged back down at Patroclus and I with his army. Multiple times Patroclus thrust me into the charging armies and multiple times we came out unscathed by sword or spear. Alas, all the glory was not to be ours. One final time Patroclus thrust us into the swarm and I could not defend against the final blow. Perhaps I was no longer the most feared and effective armour in the land. As Hector stood above Patroclus and I and proclaimed his victory this was painfully obvious. My only hope was that Achilles would come to rescue from the bloody battlefield.
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Author's Note: This story was taken from The Deeds and Death of Patroclus found in Homer's Illiad by Alfred J. Church (1907). In this story, Achilles will not join the fight against the Trojans because he wants to show the Greeks how much they actually need him. Patroclus, Achilles' best friend, decides he can no longer sit and watch. He joins the battle, wearing Achilles' armour, and succeeds in pushing Trojan troops back and slaying Sarpedon, Zeus' son. Patroclus ultimately is killed and this drives Achilles to cast aside his stubbornness and join the battle. I chose to tell this story from the armour's point of view because I wanted to talk about the actual battle and the action portrayed in it. I kept the overall plot the same I just added thoughts of the armour throughout the story. The image chosen was used because I thought this represented one of the most important and intense moments within the story. Overall, I wanted to give an impression of how the battle was portrayed through somewhat of a bystander's eyes. By telling the story from the armour's point of view I thought it would give a neutral view on both Patroclus' and Achilles' actions.
Your voice idea to tell the story from an inanimate object, the armor nonetheless is very creative! I think for this particular story your build up was a little too drawn out. In such short storytelling blocks we have to be careful that we don’t just dance around the plot line, otherwise we end up saying too little. Your sentence structure as far as your word choice and use of adjectives keeps your story very flowing and holds the readers attention. In several places however I would watch your grammatical structure. There are a few places where you are missing key commas. The significance of Sarpedon would benefit being mentioned in your version of the storytelling. Even though you mention it in the author’s note it’s important to include in your story since you dedicated almost a fourth of your writing to his death. Overall, I think you’re on the right track and doing really well!
ReplyDeleteTelling this story from the point of view of the armor was a really good idea - I certainly wouldn't have thought of it. As I read the first few sentences, I assumed it was from the point of view of a slave or something of that nature (which, note to self, would be a good idea for a later storytelling). That being said, I agree with Rachel that you must be careful not to "dance around the plot line." I guess I just think that you could have spent more time discussing the death at the end. I know that you already devoted a fair amount of space to it, but it seems (to me) like it is more important that Achilles joins the fight later than that Patroclus joined this particular fight. Achilles is a bigger character in mythology, so if Patroclus' death is one of his motivations, it seems like it warrants more emphasis in your story. The point of view that your wrote from was excellent, and you covered the story well, but I think that more time should have been spent on Patroclus' death.
ReplyDeleteIt’s interesting to hear an accurate, real-time story from “someone” other than the main character. It’s sort of like having two people to cheer for. I had never heard this story before, so it easily kept my attention. I always thought that Achilles was arrogant and didn’t have many friends. Maybe I was just projecting Brad Pitt onto his character… It’s nice to know that he cared for at least one person. Thanks for the story!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how the story was from the armor's perspective. This gives the reader a unique take on the events that I don't think we get to see many times. It is more intimate to the story than just a neutral third person narrator, but is more neutral than the view of either of the main characters. I also enjoyed how the armor had a sense of pride from being the armor of Achilles. When your owner comes out on top in so many different battles, I think you deserve to have a little pride. Nice job!
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